Sonntag, 20. Januar 2008

"So now, alone or not, you've gotta walk ahead."

We picked a new flatmate today, and guess what, we didn't go for the girl that I liked. Of course not. I had hoped to even the odds a little in this place and restore the balance a bit. The other two actually do what they want without caring about anybody else but themselves. Their main argument against the girl I liked was that she might turn out bitchy and they didn' want that. What they meant was they didn't want anybody criticizing them because they might have to think about their behaviour then. They even might have to change it. And we can't have that, no no no no no.

So I started to think. First of all I can't get rid of the feeling they teamed up against me in this. They deny they did when I brought that question up, but seriously, whose judgement would you rely on, your best friend's or your freakish flatmate? And if this happens again I don't know how to go on living here. Second, they made me feel like a freak. No, that isn't the right word. I know I am a freak, and I'm very fine with that. I am who I am. But they made me feel like an outsider. The people I inevitably spend a lot of time with because we share a flat behave towards me like I am insane. Not just a freak, but somebody who's tastes and opinions are completely ridiculous. And they don't even care. And that is just not good for me. Third I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet because I even thought that I'd stand a chance against them in this one. And I felt even more stupid for not standing up to them more often and letting them know how hard they are to live with. They are a constant pain in the ass and because I behave like a grown-up and don't make a fuss, they behave even more pain-in-the-ass-ish. I don't think I want to put up with this much longer, but still I'm reluctant to spend all the money that moving into a place of my own will take.

So after this encounter with the darker side of people, the one that excludes others, ridicules ugly people and drowns kittens, I really needed a blast of sugar. I needed a confirmation that mankind at least is able to think up romantic storys and meaningful relationships. I first watched Enchanted, but I realized I wanted more. So I went to the movies (I just had to get out of here anyway) and watched "P.S. I love You". What a lovely film. Just the right sort of thing for my mood. Gerard Butler was lovely, the story was so sweet and deep... the film somehow has to go with Lovesong for Bobby Long, In her shoes, and Elizabethtown. It was sad and funny at the same time and sometimes I laughed while I had still tears in my eyes. 8 out of 10 thrown shoes for this lovely cry-your-heart-out-and-feel-good movie.

Acutally I'm wondering about watching another film now. In her Shoes, for some more Irsih songs The Matchmaker? Hmmm.

2 Kommentare:

amanda james hat gesagt…

hey darling!sorry to hear they are still'd better move out fast.just imagine how that feels-for them.because that bloody pinkgirl has to do things of her own!!!and i am pretty sure they both will fail,cause the other one isn't there anytime...oh i know-the other two can move they could be a happy family!don't let them bring you down! you picked a gorgous girl last time!!!they are just to selfish to ya honey!!!

Purslane hat gesagt…

Well, I didn't pick last time. But we got lucky. In the end it doesn't really matter who moves in here. I mean, I don't live with these people, we just share a flat. It would be nicer if it were different but it isn't. I'm not interested in any of their ideas or whatever they talk about, they don't care what I think, and so it has been for a year now. It's just that because I kinda rejected them they are mocking me now; they are two, I am alone. I won't let them have the upper hand though. I will move out when it fits into my plans. Until then I'll just ignore them as good as I can. *shrugs*